We have several indoor plants.  Believe it or not, the plant I have the most trouble keeping alive, is the plant that is the hardest to kill; the succulent! To me the word succulent sounds like they would want to suck down water. (Anyone else following my logic here?) I have gotten mixed up on several occasions and doused my succulents with water. I have one remaining succulent that is currently on life support; it is leaning pitifully and its base is rotting away.

Despite my accidental plant genocide, I really do appreciate the succulent. When I douse it with water, it lets me know loudly, clearly, and immediately that what I did was a big NO NO. There is no guessing with a succulent.  I wish that were the case with my moody plant! 

My moody plant started out so happy and chill.  Then is turned on me and became very high maintenance. I think it hasn’t forgiven me for going on vacation and leaving it unattended. Since I am not fully convinced my plant really as the capacity to hold a grudge…. I thought maybe it no longer liked its location.  So I moved it, and have kept moving it. It was upstairs, and then I moved it downstairs. Then I moved it right next to a large window facing south sunlight, and then far away from direct sunlight and then in the office with a cool cement floor facing east sunlight.  Guess what? It is still not happy!

Part of me wants to throw my hands up and say “I’m out”. I am done trying to please you and make you happy. I don’t care.  But then I think of my master gardener, Jesus.  He never throws His hands up in the air, and says ”There goes that Jackie AGAIN!” He has endless love and patience with me especially when I am struggling through my desert phases.  

I am like the moody plant in my desert phases. I need attention and reassurance. I need to know that I am special and loved. I need to know my pain is for a purpose and I get frustrated when that purpose is not revealed to me in my time frame. 

TEN YEARS AGO, I weathered my biggest ever desert of infertility, and losses of all my babies. I began that journey like my moody plant and then morphed into my  “let me be” succulent. I communicated my needs to God. “Please don’t make me bitter and barren” My prayer, that God continues to honor to this day.  But after that prayer, I went full steam ahead, determined to make a legacy for my babies, and with every intention to make it happen right away. If I stayed busy, maybe I would hurt less, and I would eventually cry less. I was withering from the inside out.  Much like my succulent on life support on my kitchen counter. 

The best thing this moody, succulent, mama did was join a Grief Share group at my local church. I didn’t realize how much I needed to SEE others mourn my loss, HEAR others acknowledge my loss, FEEL the value of my loss, and SHARE tears with others. 

With each desert phase of life, I come out less and less like the “moody” plant, or my “let me be” succulent. I have become more confident, hearty and rooted even deeper in my faith.  I finally found my perfect location!

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17: 7-8

Mamas, are you in the “moody” plant stage OR the “let me be” succulent stage?  Where are you? Are you moody in the Mojave Desert or a succulent in the Amazon rain forest? Do you need to change your location? Come with me to the water bank! Let me introduce you to my master gardener.