In honor of the New Year, I want to rewind, and share a piece I wrote in May 2020. I was in the desert stage of COVID lockdowns and stuck in a very bad work environment.

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We are in the beginning stages of the pandemic lockdown. We remain mostly isolated at home. I like to call this period of life Groundhogs day. I continue to work the job that I have a love/hate relationship with. Then I spend the majority of my weekends in the yard pulling weeds and spreading bark dust. 

In the midst of this monotony, my friend sent me a text about a virtual conference. I was given 12 hours notice to answer. Saying yes would get me out of a day of yard work. I will give you one guess what I chose…

I could have made up several excuses why it I wouldn’t, but I felt compelled to attend. Mamas, we face decisions each day … Sometimes we feel that little tug to do it… Sometimes we respond to that tug, and sometimes we ignore it. I didn’t want to regret a day to refresh and break of up the COVID groundhog cycle, so I committed. 

I started the conference Saturday morning. I was downstairs by myself.  (I need to highlight the ‘by myself’ part again). I had no idea they were going to have a spontaneous dance and exercise breaks- but 9 hours by yourself… it was a brilliant idea. The host got the music pumping and we are supposed to follow his lead. I did this willingly, knowing it was part of the experience, and my husband was upstairs. I was alone in the living room with my back to our giant windows. There were no witnesses.

Halfway through the ‘dance like no one is watching hip swivel, jump jump, don’t care no one can see me’ routine … I felt eyes on me. I turned around and looked out the window and there was a giant and very confused looking deer 15 feet from me. In that moment, I discovered something….. deers can, and do, give “What the heck???” looks. I don’t know how it possible for an animal to make me feel embarrassed, but it happened. We locked eyes, and he quickly lost interest when I was no longer dancing like a fool.  The rest of break out dance sessions were done with me looking over my shoulder, literally!!

Morale of the story, when you feel the compulsion to say yes, even with mounting excuses to say no…. do it! You may miss out on a ‘WTH’ look from a deer. 

To my special mamas struggling with infertility and grief; in your desert of no’s remember you always have the power to say YES. You can break the NO chain; this domineering, heartless, cruel chain. Take back control, grab that chain and YANK. Find something to say YES to today. Lets both try it! Ready…. Set…. YANK!!

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Mamas: Revisiting that hard time of life NOW serves as a sweet reminder of just how far God has carried me. I felt so unheard and forgotten in that work desert. But that hard season grew traits in me that can only grow in the weeds. I couldn’t see it then, but I see it clearly now. What’s your YES going to be this year? Wishing all my mamas a blessed 2023.