What do you do when you have a day by yourself in New York City? Aside from walking 13 miles, I spent the day at the Natural History Museum. If the 40-block walk to get to the museum didn’t tire me, than navigating every square inch of that building sure did. A colossal structure, the National History Museum is multi stories high and encompasses an entire city block. Around each corner there is more, more, more. It was knowledge and sensory overload. But I was proud that I walked through it all, mission accomplished!
Later that afternoon I had a prearranged meet up spot with hubby and friends. Their work obligations were over, and so was my solo adventure. I was ready for the company of friends instead of the sea of strangers. Our meet up was 40 blocks from our hotel. Mamas, I think you now understand my 13-mile walk.
I had a nearly 80-block walk ahead of me. This extraverted girl was so over people. I chose 10 minutes by myself in my hotel room, instead of stopping for a quick lunch. This may not sound like a big deal, but those that know me are gasping right now! My craving for solitude is never more intense than in NYC. And at no other time would I choose the quiet over food!! (I am so grateful Jesus never tires of us. Jesus doesn’t have to hide out in a hotel room for 10 minutes of solace).
I found my crew at Washington Square Park. My husband’s colleague grew up in NYC. Upon hearing where I spent my day, his very first question to me was: “Did the you see the blue whale?” Blue whale? I did not see a blue whale! I saw giant elephants, giant dinosaurs, I saw a giant shark. HOW on earth did miss a GIANT blue whale???
Mamas did you know that blue whales are the largest mammals on the planet? The longest recorded length of a blue whale is over 90 feet long, that is the length of 2 school busses! They weigh an average of 200,000 pounds. So, yeah, I am not helping myself here. I managed to miss seeing the world’s largest mammal!!
As I grappled with missing an entire corridor of this museum, the disappointment swept in. I am still trying to decide if I am more disappointed that I missed this exhibit, or that I can no longer claim I walked every square inch of the museum? Mamas!!! How did I manage to find the boring grasslands exhibit, but I somehow miss the giant blue whale?
If I am being honest with myself, I know the real reason I missed it. It was ME. I was ready to be done! I hit my limit after walking 40 blocks amongst strangers, honking horns, red lights, and then spending hours getting lost inside this gigantic museum. I was ready for peace and quiet. My haste to leave gave me tunnel vision, and I missed what would have been my favorite portion of the museum.
Mama’s isn’t this how our grief journey can go? I remember when I wanted to be done. I just wanted to be better. I was tired of breaking down in random tears. Unfortunately some of my unexpected outbursts happened in public places. What were people thinking? But staying at home and hiding from the world was not a solution either. I needed to learn how to diffuse this ticking ‘tear’ bomb.
I can tell you mamas, there is no grief short cut. If there were, I would have found it! I tried to do it solo for more than a year. Spoiler alert, I did not heal. I finally had to join a grief share group. That group is where God started to glue the pieces of my heart back together.
Mamas, please don’t hurry your way through the healing. Don’t allow grief and bitterness ROB you of the good God can bring from your journey. Don’t get to heaven, only to realize you missed your giant blue whale!
SIDENOTE: Ready for more of God’s humor? To add insult to injury the very next day I received a thank you email from the museum. Pictured below:
Ice Baby Ministries 