The secret to my daily work routine is a guilty pleasure, my carrot hanging on a stick.   Each workday I start with a countdown to lunchtime, and post lunch starts a countdown to logging off. What can I say mamas, I lead an exciting 9 to 5 life! My lunchtime ‘carrot’ is TV.  I recently started watching old episodes Celebrity Wife Swap.  (Yes, mamas, this is really is my lunchtime reward). The season I am currently watching was filmed more than a decade ago. Let me tell you mamas, a lot can happen in a decade!

A true investigator at heart, at some point during my guilty pleasure TV watching, I am doing my own online fact checking. I am careful not to believe everything I see. Let the Internet search begin: “She really is his wife, OH but they are divorced now. They really do live in this town, OH but he passed away.” It is so intriguing to me to see where these celebrity couples were then, and where there are now. Which couples stood the test of time? I don’t have to wonder long. My curiosity is immediately satisfied! It’s like having my own personal time machine!  

As I ponder the benefits of inventing a time machine, I can’t help but think of my own then and now timeline. This month marks my very own decade anniversary! Each September I celebrate the day in my life when I knew I was pregnant.  September 12^th was ice baby’s final transfer; from hospital freezer to womb. My Ice baby was no longer frozen in a hospital lab, my baby finally made it home. Sadly, Ice Baby was not home for long. My prayers came to a devastating end, ten days later, with a negative pregnancy test. A test so negative it didn’t register any pregnancy hormones. Message received Lord. God had whisked my Ice Baby up to heaven to be with his other brothers and sisters. Oh the party they must be having!

While my babies have partied in heaven for the last decade, I have not, unless the occasional pity party counts? In the decade since, I have cried more tears than in my entire life. I have changed employers three times. I have experienced the most cutthroat boss of my life, and had the most dangerous job.  None of these were boxes I was looking to check.

But this last decade is also where I had the most growth in my life, spiritually and emotionally. I began knitting and donating baby hats, started making bracelets, began this online ministry, joined a writers group, and a Spanish meet up.  I travel more. I have the most incredible friend base, like solid gold ladies, and a platinum husband. My faith is deeper, and my relationship with God is stronger than ever. I have greater purpose in my life today than ever before.

It is such a blessing to get to view your life in chunks. To know that through the quicksand of grief you can emerge a better, stronger, more resilient mama. Just like in Celebrity Wife Swap, grieving successfully means mamas need to be adaptable, seek wisdom, and embrace correction when your way is not working. 

One day soon mamas, you will have your own time machine moment. You will get to look back on your prior decade. When your moment comes, I hope you are as proud of yourself, as I am of you RIGHT NOW!

Just. Do. Something.