What was your last boring purchase that made you giddy? I was pretty stoked about a 3-pack of small clear plastic containers from the dollar store. They work perfectly for the airport liquid carry on restrictions. Note to self mamas, do not wash them in the dishwasher. They shrivel up like raisins! As I removed the disfigured plastics from my dishwasher, my once brilliant find was now a one-time use item. Good thing they were only a dollar!!
Taking the three shriveled plastic vessels out of the dishwasher got me thinking about how I handle the ‘heat’ of life. How have I handled life’s biggest disappointments?
During the greatest trial of my life, God beautifully and patiently whispered into my heart, and I listened. Today, a decade has passed since my in-vitro journey. A decade has passed since I had my one shot. My one baby. My one chance. A decade has passed since I lived those long nine months clinging to my faith that God was bigger than my hopeless statistic. A decade has passed since I had to brace for the likelihood that IVF was going to end in heartbreak. A decade has passed since I had to accept God’s no.
Now, a decade later, my new question is: Why was I able to handle God’s soul crushing NO to ice baby, but struggle daily with the simple task of work?
I feel like a shriveled up raisin during the workweek. My day to day after ice baby has been a decade long struggle. (Okay, okay, it has been way way longer than a decade!) I always assumed I felt this way because of my actual profession. It is hard, it is stressful, and THAT is why I feel this way, everyday. But I realize it goes much deeper. The numerous annoyances that accompany each workday are subconscious bee stings reminding me that my life WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS.
A decade later and I am still asking: Why can’t I be master over my workday? My job leaves me shriveled up like those dollar store containers. I don’t have my answer yet. But mamas, none of us walk this life perfectly. Some of us are honest about our shriveled up raisin parts, and some of us keep them hidden. But we all have shriveled up raisin parts.
Our grief journey has two hurtles: ACCEPTING God’s no and LIVING God’s no. I need help living God’s no. How about you?
Whether your journey yields a family here on earth, a heavenly family waiting for you, or a combination of both: know this mamas you have handled the ‘heat’. JUST DO SOMETHING.
Ice Baby Ministries 