Any mama that has walked this baby loss journey knows there is no one size fits all way to heal. In the nine months it takes to produce life, I had lost 12 babies. My entire future was up for a re-write.

We weren’t meant to grieve alone. Who’s your ‘unexpected’ person?  Not counting my husband or inner circle, their invaluable love and support cannot be highlighted enough!  But for me, God brought early healing in the most unexpected place, and with the most unexpected person.

A few months after we lost ice baby, hubby and I mutually agreed to close our baby chapter. I had a normal doctor appointment. My first normal doctor appointment in a year! This new doctor provided  a very unwelcomed recommendation of an exploratory procedure. PAUSE. TIME OUT. BACK UP. She knew my history. I had just spent the past year being poked, prodded, and humiliated with multiple fertility procedures. Can’t my body just be left alone? As the shock of this recommendation wore off, I scheduled a second opinion with the best doctor in our area.  (Why didn’t I just start with the best doctor?)

This second doctor was my unexpected person.  

I can only imagine what the doctor thought as he walked into the exam room. I had hoped the dim lighting would conceal my emotional and physical brokenness tethered to me;  my invisible ball and chain.  We discussed the purpose of my visit and my recent history. He assured me instantly and with absolute confidence that no procedures were necessary. His confidence quieted my inner angst.  I was so grateful to forego the exam, and even more grateful for the candor with which he spoke to me.

Medical opinion aside, he then gracefully shifted the conversation to my baby loss journey.  I was wrong, the lighting did not hide my brokenness. The 400-pound elephant in the room was suffocating us both.  (Yes, mamas, I just compared myself to an elephant!)

As I think about this pivotal memory, the famous quote from Maya Angelou comes to mind:

---

“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

---

This is so true!!! In my grief haze, I only remember bits and pieces of our actual conversation. But our interaction felt like an encouraging, warm, fatherly chat with a complete stranger. I don’t know how that dynamic was possible, but I experienced it.

I left that office feeling different, lighter, seen.  It was a defining moment in my healing journey, and I knew something in me changed after. That doctor will never know the profound impact he made on my broken mama heart. He was a vessel, used by God, to comfort me after my arduous battle.  

Mamas, I encourage you to actively and purposefully remember the beautiful ways God brings help and healing into your journey. Give space for the good memories. Trust me, when you look back on your journey, those are the memories you will treasure the most.

Mamas, who is your ‘unexpected’ person?