Can you NOT write? 

This was a question posed at my last writers group meeting.  Think of the irony of this question, being asked to a group of ‘writers’.  It should be an easy yes, right? I mean we all take time out of our lives to meet monthly, complete homework assignments, share our pieces; it’s a bona fide commitment. Regardless of how obvious this “Can you NOT write?” question seemed, it made me pause. I really had think about my answer.

My answer at that moment and time was: yes.  Yes, I could NOT write.

As my “yes” confession left my lips; defeat crept in and my inner imposter crept out. I am part of a writers group. I write for an online ministry. How could that be my answer? I am such a phony!

Mamas, starting an online writing ministry was not on my life’s bucket list. I never considered myself a writer. This website is me just being obedient to God’s nudge on my heart. 

What happened after my confession was unexpected. As soon as I had this imposter revelation, a new leaf turned in my life. Something inside me changed. I actually started to look forward to writing.  It is no longer just an early morning task while I drink my coffee. It is now an actual creative outlet that I find myself drawn to multiple times a day.  Writing provides an artistic and therapeutic release; I had never noticed this before. And I owe it all to confessing my imposter feelings.

Mamas, where do you feel like an imposter in your life? Please PAUSE …….  Really think about this?  Do you have your answer?  What exactly makes you feel like you are an imposter?  

I guess its only fair that I answer the same question. What makes me feel like a writing imposter?  Let me allow you to eavesdrop on my inner dialogue:

Who are you to host an online ministry?  No one really wants to read your posts; you know they are just being ‘nice’, right? What impact are you actually making anyway? Have you seen your online traffic numbers? If God really wanted you to do this, why isn’t your website more popular? Clearly you heard God wrong.  Do you actually think you are making a difference?

My imposter thoughts were hard to type, harder to read, and hardest to admit.  Mamas, I purposefully made that font as close to invisible as possible. That font size represents the amount of real estate we should allow our imposter thoughts to hold. 

True strength comes from admitting your imposter feelings. Your honest and brave self-assessment helps you shed the false narratives you play on repeat inside your head.   It is time to ditch your doubts, and silence your inner critic.  

For me personally, it doesn’t matter if anyone visits this website. I am doing what God called me to do, and that is all that matters.  Mamas, can you say the same thing? Are you living the life God called you to?

I am Jackie. 

I am a writer.

And, No, I can’t NOT write.  (Is this a triple negative? Is this even proper English?