Mamas, have you ever noticed life is like a rollercoaster? Life has highs and lows; ups and down, unexpected dips and twists. I love the initial thrust of the rollercoaster as the acceleration entices tears to roll across my face and the feeling of G forces pummeling my body. On a rollercoaster, I have to surrender all control.  Believe it or not, this nice control freak, sometimes likes not being in control.

Mamas, you may wonder why am I thinking of rollercoasters?  Perhaps because it’s the exact opposite of how I feel most days.  Mamas, I feel stuck.  I have been in a professional wilderness for a while now and I am so tired of feeling STUCK.  The goal of this online ministry has always been to help hurting mamas not to get stuck in their grief.  Mamas, today’s piece is as much for you as it is for me. This is how I got unstuck!

I feel like the majority of my life has not been spent ON the rollercoaster, but waiting in line.  I hear the screams and laughter of others whizzing by at 60mph. Those people are living life. But here I stand a sedentary bystander. I am STUCK, looking ahead at the endless line of people; ‘patiently’ waiting for my turn.

It is during the ‘stuck in the line’ moments of life’s rollercoaster, captive in my thoughts, that I am forced into for self-reflection. These ‘stuck in line’ moments are when I am able to hear my God whispers best.  

In my most recent ‘stuck in line’ moment, I have realized I am ‘stuck’ on purpose. I am the one NOT content where God has planted me. I have been living for the carrot dangling in front of me.  Prior to my baby loss journey, when I felt stuck, I just had to look toward my future carrot.  I had so many exit strategies lined up at work. With a baby, I could stay at home, or work part time. I liked the nice juicy carrot dangling in front of me. My carrot represented a plethora of options! Post baby loss, all my exit strategies were peeled away, and I was stuck working indefinitely.  My peeled carrot was dangling, out of reach, and very unappealing.

It has taken me over a decade, but I have finally figured out my dangling carrot solution! Mamas, I had to EAT my carrot! The carrot is what was making me unhappy.  Always looking toward the next ‘way out’ has made me miserable where God has me planted.

Caution, my ‘eat your carrot’ strategy only works if you are certain you are where God has planted you. There are many times in life when we have to push through and keep on.  Eating my carrot, was not a “I give up’ strategy, nor meant to be ‘the easy way’.  Eating my carrot took confidence, determination and a whole lot of will power.  

Eating my carrot doesn’t mean I will be ‘stuck’ forever.  I don’t know what God’s future holds for me, but I do know I want to try and enjoy the ‘waiting in line’ time.

The question begs to be answered:

When should you eat your carrot?

I knew it was time to eat my carrot when I could honestly say,

“I know I am where I am supposed to be, even though I don’t like it”.

It has been a few months now; my carrot is eaten and digested. I have padlocked the refrigerator, denying myself access to any replacement carrots! The result?  Mamas, my days are not filled with rainbows and unicorns, but my professional life has been much less conflicted. I finally accepted where God has planted me.

Mamas, the next time you feel stuck, ask yourself,“Is it time to eat my carrot?”