The pills, the poking the prodding sucked.

The scans, invasive procedures sucked.

The medical bills sucked.

The hours of travel sucked. 

My miscarriage sucked.

In-Vitro sucked.

Losing 12 babies in less than a year sucked. 

Stuck working indefinitely sucked.

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What’s on your ‘this sucks’ list mamas?

Like most of my mamas reading this, I had some sucky things happen in life. Somehow, for me, that meant I should get to live the rest of my life pain-free. No one said that, it is just what seemed fair. I had received my penance of pain and now it was time to sit back and enjoy the rest of life. Any of my mamas ever feel this way?

Though, I never actually voiced this, I was living like God owed me something.  “Okay God, you took away my babies, and somehow I still love you. We are good, right? I passed the test?”

But the life I thought I deserved was not happening. Instead of easy street, I was having a hard time. My workdays continued to be disappointing, exhausting, stressful, with some days even ending in tears. Work still sucked. “God, this was not our agreement. Remember, I am stuck working now, I have to do this because you took away my babies. Can’t I get a break?”   But still, work got harder. Switching jobs didn’t help. I am on employer #3, and my dissatisfaction follows.  It is a shadow I can’t shake.

After a decade, I have finally realized I had been listening to all the wrong things.  All the fluffy online videos, podcasts and books out there about ‘finding your passion, so you never work a day in your life.’ ‘How to create the life you want in three easy steps.’ ‘Love what you do.’ ‘Follow your dreams.’  All these positive affirmations were making me MISERABLE. Why couldn’t I make this happen for myself? What was I doing wrong? I was failing once again!

Do you want to know why these affirmations don’t work mamas? Fluff isn’t real life! 

Real life is finding your God given purpose in everything you, do whether the lowest position on the totem pole or the President of the United States. Real life is going to work everyday, even if you hate it, because you know you are there for a reason. Real life is knowing you serve a purpose, even when it feels like the opposite.

Real life is NOT the filtered and fake people trying to sell fluff.  Show me your wrinkles and your scars because I am not here to play make believe. I am here to leave my corner of the world a little brighter. To accomplish my God given purpose, and to not stop until it is finished. 

Mamas, we all have our ‘this sucks’ list. But the real question is: where is your purpose hiding on that list?  Jesus said:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart! I have overcome the world.”       

 John 16:33

Your life will not be perfect mamas, there is no purpose in perfect. Make sure you are listening to the right things in life.