Is it easier to be a wonderful husband when you are married to a predictable wife? When you know what she is ordering from a menu. When you can look at her and say exactly what she is thinking? Whatever the answer, my husband is the best!

After a busy winter, we were finally ready to celebrate spring by sneaking away for a mini vacation. This has been hard to do this year with our scheduling hiccups. (First world problems, am I right mamas?) Since hubby had training in Arizona, I proposed we just tack on some extra days at the end of his training to celebrate. Bonus, I have several friends in Arizona so I was able to go a few days early to hang with them. Even in vacation mode, my husband can’t escape his scheduled and predictable wife!

Planning this trip presented a couple detours. At first we thought we would head north to Sedona, Flagstaff and the Grand Canyon.  A new husband wife adventure, with new sites!  As I started looking at airfare the day we needed to fly back it was more than quadrupled the price!  Don’t you love the airline pricing games mamas?  In order to get lower airfare, we would have to extend or cut the vacation by several days. We chose a shorter stay.  I still get to see my girlfriends, and we get a small break. It was a win/win.

This was our new plan and the airlines agreed! I got a direct flight for $150! This plan was clearly meant to be. The next decision was where to stay. Now here is where the spoiled wife/best husband part comes in.  Normally hubby handles all of these details, and he does it flawlessly. But this time he wanted my input. He showed me our hotel options available with our points. There were roughly seven to choose from. I started looking up each spot, reading reviews, looking at gallery photos, and checking locations. Each spot seemed to have pros and cons. I started getting lost in the Internet weeds. Mixing up reviews, wait did I already see this one? I quickly appreciated my hubby’s normal take-charge attitude.  

Finally, I came back to hubby a few days later. I think we should go to the mountain desert hotel. I think it would be more of an adventure, and it would be new area, and bonus, it was the most fancy of all the options…

A smirk came across his face.

I knew this smirk. 

“You booked this spot already, didn’t you?”

He looked and me and confidently stated:

“I knew you would get there.”

***

Mama, these reassuring words spoken by my husband are the same reassuring words I long to here from Jesus.

After losing my babies, I felt so alone in my grief. I didn’t know another mama like me. Yes, I knew mamas that had lost babies. I knew mamas that went through in-vitro, and lost babies. I even knew mamas that went through multiple cycles of in-vitro, not giving up until they had their miracle baby. I also knew mamas that completed their family journeys through the beauty of adoption. But I did not know any mamas that ended their baby journey with a broken heart and empty arms.

This is when I knew Jesus was going to use my lonely healing journey to help other lonely hurting mamas. I knew this was about to be the defining moment of my life. Jesus had carved a special legacy path just for me. I knew goodness was going to come out of my tragedy.  And I knew I had a heavenly audience of 13 babies watching their mama work towards her divine purpose. 

As I navigate my purpose path I wonder is Jesus thinking, “I knew you would get there.” yet? Am I doing all that Jesus had planned? Am I there yet? Is there more? Am I doing this right? I am I doing enough? Where’s my report card Jesus? I wish could see the smirk on Jesus’ face, or hear His audible voice “I knew you would get there.” But I don’t think it works that way.

Instead of answers to these questions, I just have to assume as long as I still have breath, I haven’t gotten there yet. There is still more to do.  So here I sit mamas, typing away and longing for the day when I hear Jesus say:

“I knew you would get there.”