My family dreams went up in smoke.  My babies and my desired future did not survive the trial of my life.

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“What’s left to say?

These prayers ain’t working anymore

Every word shot down in flames

What’s left to do with these broken pieces on the floor?

I’m losing my voice calling on you.

‘Cause I’ve been shaking

I’ve been bending backwards ‘til I’m broke

Watching all these dreams go up in smoke

Let beauty come out of ashes

Let beauty come out of ashes

And when I pray to God all I ask is

Can beauty come out of ashes?”

(Ashes: Written by: Petey Martin, Jordan Smith, and Tedd T.  Recorded by Celine Dion)

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It is amazing what happens when fire rips through your life. Yes it destroys some parts, but it purifies and strengthens the other parts. My future family dreams may have went up in smoke, but my faith and my husband remained more solid than ever. 

Ashes.

I heard a sermon once about letting life make you better or bitter. This better versus bitter battle reminds me of the story of Joseph in the Bible (See Genesis 37-50). As a teenager Joseph had many dreams; literal dreams, like “destined to become something great” kinda dreams. Instead of seeing his dreams realized, Joseph got a heap of ashes thrown at him. At multiple points in his life, he too, watched his future go up in smoke. 

Ashes.

Joseph was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery (which was better than the alternative since the majority of his brothers wanted him dead). Joseph was whisked off to a foreign land and forced into slavery; he was wrongly accused of sexual misconduct and thrown into prison and forgotten for years.

Ashes.

Resiliency is the theme of Joseph’s life. With each betrayal, he chose to be better over bitter. He rose up in each of his tragic, unjust circumstances. As a slave he was promoted to house manager, and as a prisoner he was put in charge of all the other prisoners. Leadership and grace followed Joseph even in the depths.

Ashes.

Did God cause Joseph’s tragedies? No! They were the result of the jealous, the selfish, and the corrupted people in his life. But Joseph’s trials and ashes were necessary for his calling. When Joseph first had his dreams as a youth, he didn’t yet have the character and fortitude necessary to pull them off. His strengths were forged through the fiery trials and sifted out of the ashes.  The evil that befell Joseph didn’t make him bitter because he chose to let it make him better.  

Ashes.

Joseph’s ultimate purpose and dream fulfillment came when he saved thousands upon thousands of lives from famine, including the very same brothers who started his tragic trials.

When Joseph was reunited with his brothers, he famously said:

“As for you, you meant evil against me,

but God meant it for good,

to bring it about that many people should be kept alive,

as they are today.”

Genesis 50:20.

(If you don’t aren’t familiar with Joseph’s epic deliverance story, I won’t spoil it for you. Open up the book of Genesis and be prepared to be amazed. It is the ultimate ‘from slave to second in command; the good guy wins’, kinda story.)

You can follow Joseph’s example too.

Baby loss has been the trial of my life. Like Joseph, I wanted to be better and not bitter. I wanted to help other hurting mamas, like myself. I wanted my babies brief lives to have impact and a legacy, and I was the one left to make it happen.  Though God did not cause my heartbreak, He is using it for the better, so long as I don’t become bitter.

I walked in your shoes mamas. I felt all the pains, I cried all the tears, and thought all the thoughts. At the end, it is YOU that gets to decide if your grief journey makes you better or bitter.

Will you let beauty come out of your ashes?