Prior to my Ireland-Blarney stone experience, I only had 3 weird travel phobias. But after a magical trip to Ireland, I may need to add kissing foreign objects on castle rooftops to that list…

The physicality of kissing the Blarney stone is equal parts awkward and terrifying. While lying down on your back, you have to reach both arms overhead, and grab two bars affixed to the castle wall. Then you must use your own strength to pull yourself toward the castle wall, while hanging over a hole in the roof. Next you must arch your mid spine backward, all while holding on to bars and lowering yourself upside down, and don’t forget to pucker up…  Sound confusing? Try actually doing this maneuver!

The only memory that survived my kiss attempt was the cold castle wall on my face.  According to my husband I did not have a successful kiss completion, as I did not go low enough. What I did do successfully, was give myself self-induced terror amnesia and maybe a fourth travel phobia?

As I reflect on that once-in-a-lifetime experience, I can’t help but take note of the parallels between my kiss attempt of the Blarney stone, and my IVF baby journey. 

First and foremost, no matter how prepared you think you are, you have no clue what really waits for BOTH these experiences.  

Unlike IVF, I arrived at Blarney Castle completely unprepared. I had heard something about having to lie on your back, and be upside down, but it still did not dawn on me what was actually going to happen. I was surprised that the stone was actually IN the castle wall. In my head, it was a stone that was maybe dangling like chandelier?  The true set up was not nearly as spectacular as I envisioned. It was, however, far more terrifying!

In stark contrast to my Blarney preparation, I started my IVF baby journey armed with as much knowledge as the Internet would provide. But still there were surprises along the way. Good surprises, like when I did not turn into a crazy hormone raging wife, (my husband was pretty relieved about that).  My worst surprise was the phone call telling me that I lost 11 of my 12 babies. I was in my car, outside my office on a cold January morning, stunned and numb. I had to go back into work and pretend like my whole world has not just imploded.

The physicality involved in both IVF and my stone kiss attempt was also unexpected. As I stood in the Blarney Stone line there were people of all ages, shapes and sizes.  Since I watched grandma-aged ladies lie down, I had little concern about my ability to complete the task. (Hats off grandmas, you have my respect!) Then I approached and saw the hole in the castle ceiling and the ant sized people on the ground below– everything started to get real… real fast!

In IVF the steps, the injections, the ultrasounds, are explained to you. But then you actually go to the pharmacy and pick up your Santa sized bag of prescriptions.  You set them up in a corner of your bedroom, and feel like you are prepping to open your own urgent care. The physicality of what you are starting really starts to set in. Then you brace for your first of countless needle jabs.

The last parallel between IVF and stone kissing, involves the blessed gift of memory HAZE.  Where your terror memories are filtered.  For instance, at the Blarney Stone there is an employee spotter next to you. He places his hands in the exact same configuration for every person that goes in for a kiss. Consider him your ‘safety net’. I have zero recall of this mans hands on me. I just remember the cold wall up against my face.  The rest is my beautiful haze.

Thank God the same can be said for my 9-month IVF baby ordeal.  There is a haze around a lot of my most painful memories.  What I do remember clearly is the ‘beauty from ashes’ moments; the bonding with my husband, the strengthening of my faith.  I am still so grateful for the ability to create life, even though I have to wait for heaven to meet my babies.

IFV laid the foundation to turn my little timid girl self, into the big, brave, mama bear that I am today. Would I rather be a stay-at-home mom raising my family right now, YES!  But that was not God’s plan for me. God needs me right here, right now, writing to you.  

Welcome to the mama bear club my friends.