If you could talk to younger me, I would have told you a couple things: I am not a writer. I am not a reader. I am not into exercise.

Prior to starting this online ministry, I would have never said I was a writer. Sure, I can string words into sentences then into paragraphs. I have plenty of college papers saved to prove my proficiency. But I didn’t feel like ‘writer’ was a part of my identity. 

The same goes for reading. Prior to this year, if asked, I would have told you I am a voracious reader, BUT only on vacation. In my day to day, reading was the last thing on my to-do list.

Exercise has been last on my priority list for forever. Spoiler alert: to my younger mamas, turning 40 holds a few unwelcome surprises.  Whether you like it or not, you have to start exercising, or you have to buy a larger sized wardrobe, (and I am too cheap for that option).

Recently I experienced a really cool phenomenon!

All my “I am not” statements have flipped.

After years of writing for this website, my writing muscle is now expertly sculpted.  The time and investment it used to take to write, has diminished. And dare I admit… I enjoy writing?!? Words have become a powerful tool for me to make sense of the friction life creates.

My pleasure reading habit has taken off too.  One single book made all the difference: Atomic Habits by James Clear. This efficiency queen has a book written just for her.  Now I make it a point to read daily, whether it is five minutes or thirty. It has become a part of my routine. And I like it!

My exercise habit started as a stress reliever at work. But I became more consistent when I began working from home. I make myself walk on my breaks. If I have errands, I walk there too. Walking was always good praying time, and allowed my body to reset from work stressors. When I discovered podcasts, I started walking even MORE.  My body now craves exercise. I even do a 2-mile walk BEFORE work. Just to keep up on my podcast addiction!  The results are tangible! I am the best shape of my life!

For my grieving mama readers you will notice I did not have “I am not a mother” on my list. That is because I am! My babies may not be with me here on Earth, but I created 13 souls that are waiting for me in Heaven.

During my own baby battle, I knew what I did not want. My prayer after I lost my last baby was and remains; “Please don’t make me bitter and barren.”  During my baby trails, I read countless mamas stories from women that had fertility struggles, and there was a resounding bitterness woven in each. I did not want that same bitterness to pollute my story. I worked as hard at trying to be a mama, as I did at trying not being a bitter mama.

That is why I started this online ministry, and that is why I share my daily hijinks with you. I pray that you are seeing how to live without the bitterness baby loss can bring. 

I refused the bitterness label then, I refuse the label now.

What is on your “I am not” list mamas?   Do you like your label?   Do you want to update it? There is good news! With time and practice mamas, you will be able to introduced yourself with new labels, and lose your old ones.  

“Hi, I am Jackie, a writer, reader, walking maniac and a joyful mama of 13 little angels.”

Now it’s your turn…