I like my weekend tradition of hiking up a nearby butte with my bracelet supplies. I get to enjoy my hobby at the most scenic lookout in the whole town. One particular morning, I ran out of beads, which unintentionally made the world’s teeniest tiniest bracelet. Lucky for me I knew a four-year old who would love it.

My next mission was to get this tiny bracelet onto the wrist of said toddler. Since the bracelet was smaller, I decided to mail it in a standard white envelope with standard postage. Sadly, this envelope was returned to my mailbox with add posted sticker. I endured the inconvenience to going to the post office, waiting in line, and pay the extra $1.16 requested.  Doing it right, the second time around. The bracelet was mailed on Monday. I was shocked to see the delivery date was Friday! Is the post office now walking the mail to its destination these days?  Is this a new green initiative?

I texted my friend and let her know, an envelope was en route to her 4 year old.  Later in the week, while chatting with this same friend, I committed a cardinal sin! Mamas, I actually told the 4 year old she had a surprise coming in the mail.  I can hear you gasping now! In my defense, when I did this the bracelet was supposed to be arriving the very next day! But then it didn’t arrive that day, or the next, or the next, or the next… It took an additional FIVE days! 

Each delayed day had my friend fielding multiple daily requests from her 4 year old to walk to the mailbox. Each delayed day had me anticipating the white envelope would show back up in MY mailbox.

The day it FINALLY arrived, I was greeted with a text photo of the 4 year old outside the mailbox holding this now infamous white envelope and grinning from ear to ear. Every muscle in her face was stretched to maximum capacity.  I had never seen a more enthusiastic smile in my life.

How many of my mamas remember the last anticipated moment that had you grinning ear to ear like a toddler? What have you longed for, prayed for, begged for…

My greatest anticipated moment happened during my in-vitro journey. There was a lot of happy, a lot of heartache and a lot of waiting moments all mixed together.

The first and greatest anticipation moment was the day I became mama to my twelve babies!  The doctors then had to let nature take its course, they had to watch and monitor the fertilized embryos, ‘my babies’ for five days to find out how many survive this critical time period.  I had longed for, prayed for, begged for this moment for years.

My five days came and went and no call from the doctor. Then the weekend came and went, and no call.  My anticipation was on overload. Then on a cold Monday morning in January, sitting in my car, in my office parking lot, my call finally came. My anticipation bubble was crushed by the voice on the other end. We had lost eleven of our twelve babies. Our precious survivor baby was put on ice. I didn’t know it at the time, but I would have to another nine months of recovery. Nine months of longing for, praying for, begging for my ice baby.

Then the day finally came for my ice baby transfer from tube to womb. Ice baby survived the thawing process. Then I had my final waiting period of my in-vitro journey. It was ten-days before I could take the pregnancy test. Ten days of longing for, praying for, begging for my ice baby.

On day ten, I found out my ice baby would not be delivered here on Earth. The blood test confirmed he was already in heaven. This was my final crushing blow of anticipation.

Mamas, perhaps that is why the photo of this 4-year old face with the ear-to-ear smile, has me so captivated.  I realize this is the face God sees every time He welcomes His children into heaven.

This will be my face when I get to Heaven.

When my anticipation is finally over.

When I am reunited with all my babies.

Keep Smiling Mamas!